And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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