Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
