never play flip cup with pint glasses
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
