You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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