I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
