You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
