ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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