Do you still have your period?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize