so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
