Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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