I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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