Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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