nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
