We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
