please come you make the beer taste better
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
