Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
