I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize