the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
