i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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