I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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