Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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