that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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