found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
