Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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