ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
