i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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