dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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