I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
