i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
