Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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