you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
