we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
