Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
