I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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