when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
