Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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