I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
