i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
