Umm I'm too high to move.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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