Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
