you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was confusing and full of hummus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize