well most of my day revolves around power hour
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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