i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
