Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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