it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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