my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
