Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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