I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
