It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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