Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
