Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
