I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
