my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
