escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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