I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
