She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
