Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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