I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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