I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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