I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
