just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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