He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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