I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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