yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
