shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
