Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize