I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
