Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
