Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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