yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
