why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize