There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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