Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize