Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
