The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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