Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
