I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
