there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
