Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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