the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
