it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
