I need help removing her.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
