Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
