guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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