I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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