I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize