I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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