I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
