areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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