meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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