Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
