Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize