you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize