I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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