i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize