don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
