I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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