DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
