My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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