the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
