Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize