It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
