I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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