apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This baby is an asshole
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
