this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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