you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
