Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
